be careful what you pray for. God hears it.

tonight, my faith was attacked in every possible sense of the word. i have never experienced opposition like i did tonight, and im still not sure how to process it all.

it all happened at work. caribou coffee; its monday night. i work with the same guy every monday night. our schedules are very consistent. its him and me for 5 hours. every monday night. he knows that i go to moody, and i know a little about the lifestyle he lives, but other than that, we have never really had any discussions regarding faith before.

all of that changed tonight.

i dont even know how it got started. all of a sudden, there i was, listening to him tear apart and argue with everything i believe in. he was being polite, and his intention was not to embarrass me or prove me wrong, but he was posing questions and arguments like i had never been personally faced with before. but heres the thing: this guy was in no way arguing out of ignorance. he grew up in the church, he had read the Bible, he knew what it said. in fact, there were parts of the Bible that he knew better than i did. He started asking me questions that i never thought i would be asked outside of systematic theology. questions like, "how did they determine which book were included in the canon; how do they know they got the right ones?", "how can each gospel portrays a different aspect of Jesus' life and still not contradict eachother. how can they still be talking about the same Jesus when they are from such different points of view? how is Jesus both God and man?", "why is it that some parts of the Bible say that all you need is faith, while others say that faith without works is dead?", and "why is it that in the Old Testament they had to make sacrifices for their sin, and now we dont?" <---- that one i at least could answer, which gave a great segue into the gospel message, and was feeling pretty proud of myself that i finally had an answer, until he asked: "well why is it that God waited until the New Testament times to send Jesus to die? Why couldnt Jesus die at the beginning of time and just by-pass all the sacrifices in the Old Testament?"

see what i mean....

i was defenseless. he was asking questions that people who devote their entire lives to studying the Bible cant answer. and there i was in that position. i stood my ground, though. i was consistent in my answers, and i even had scripture to back up most of my points. i totally tapped into my moody knowledge bank. and yet, i felt so stupid. you use the answer "because thats what the Bible tells us" for 50 consecutive questions and tell me you dont feel like an idiot. specially trying to explain that the Bible is true because the Bible says its true. yea, he didnt buy that. truth be told, i was more persuaded by his answers than mine. it came to the point where i just had to tell him... im sorry. i dont have all the answers. but what i do have is faith.

so what now? i have no idea. i dont know why God allowed this to happen to me. tonight challenged my faith like very few things have. but i think my faith is just a little bit stronger now because of it. its been a while since i had to really think: why do i believe this stuff? why am i devoting my entire life to the study of a book that most people dont even think is true? what makes me think im following the "right God?" i dont know. i dont know why i was so blessed to be one of the called ones. but for whatever reason, i was chosen. and am unabashedly following my calling. even if i dont have all the answers.

i think its important for me to mention here that on my way to work tonight i was praying that God would open some doors for me to talk to my coworker about my faith.

be careful what you pray for. God hears it.