excepting my high school research paper.

ive been receiving feedback. feeedback as such that says that i havent posted a blog in 5 weeks and thats not acceptable.

sorry.

i will now make excuses about why i havent posted in 5 weeks.

college.

turns out it keeps you busy. throughout the week i have a grand total of about 5 hours of "free time, " as if i even know what that means. i nanny now, which, i love. im kinda a stand-in mom for a couple days a week. the kids are great. at times very high-maintenence, and at times makes me want to strangle myself. or them. BUT, nonetheless my heart is full of love for those kids. Isabelle is 8, Julian is 4. i call them my kids. sometimes i feel like they are. honestly, it makes me so excited to be a mom someday. even though they take so much work. i can see now why my mom said it was so worth it. they take up my tuesdays and thursdays. two full days well spent.

monday nights i still work at Caribou Coffee. the main reason i went back was for the free coffee. caribou is the only coffee ill drink now. and only two or three kinds that we have. ground the way like it, brewed the way i like it. im a coffee snob. im not ashamed.

wednesday nights are spent out in the suburbs with the youth group i wrote about previously (the two junior-high girls that came to Christ). I love those two girls. i love all junior highers. talk about a sub culture that i will never understand. I try though. to them im probably the dorky college girl that tries to fit in with people half her age. i dont care.

fridays and saturdays are never consistent. sometimes i do homework, sometimes i dont. sometimes i babysit, sometimes i dont. i love my weekends off, but sometimes its nice to have some extra cash for school. gotta do what i can. sundays are homework, last minute sleep catch-up, and Bible study at night.

thats my week. throw in all the classes, misc meetings, homework, workouts, and ocassional sleep, and you're left with about 5 hours. maybe two of you cared. all i wanted to prove was that im busy. im using that as my excuse for not blogging. but i promise ill try to do better.

im having a hard time articulating tonight. i appologize, you'll have to bear with me. i feel like my head is so full of thoughts it could spew any minute. (i was about to use the word explode, but decided to go the more graphic route. just for kicks.) sometimes, you have those nights (i know you do) where there is so much going through your head its almost as if theres nothing at all. Tonight, is one of those nights. i could put my finger on a few things, but im choosing not to. i find that the more i wallow in my thoughts, especially when they arent necessarily possitive, im only hurting myself. articulating those thoughts doesnt help at all. once they are out, i find it harder to get rid of them. i need to give them to God before they spew all over.

take them.

i guess i have covered the basics. Now you're all up to date with my weekly schedule and the masses of thoughts that are going through my head. none of which i told you. this was possibly the least exciting thing i have ever written.

excepting my high school research paper.

but its still a blog. WAIT! NO! i take that back. this IS exciting. its my life. this is what i do day to day. this is the stage of life i am in. and its exciting. its confusing, its heartbreaking, its joyful. its teaching, its testing, its stretching. this is my life. this is what i do. sometimes i love this stage, sometimes i wish i was in any other stage of life. but regardless, this is where i am. God had me be born in 1988 so that in 2008 i would be in this stage of life.

i am content.